It's early in the day
when I climb the train
There's water in the walkway
thanks to the rain
There's no room in the aisle
People keep coming in
I can't see how they fail
to see that S6 is not S10
Their luggage leaves no room
They don't seem to mind
As they crush each other in the gloom
I wonder if they're blind
A child begins to wail
His father gives him a sweet
He throws it into the aisle
where it's crushed under many feet
Someone goes to the loo
The toilet's sprung a leak
Now there's urine too
in the place where we walk
I thank my fortune
My berth is an upper
but I've spoken too soon
Someone's kicked away my slipper
I'm stuck for good
I can't come down
The water below has bits of food
It looks muddy brown
As I huddle on my berth
people without tickets come and sit
If there's a hell on earth
this damned place is it
when I climb the train
There's water in the walkway
thanks to the rain
There's no room in the aisle
People keep coming in
I can't see how they fail
to see that S6 is not S10
Their luggage leaves no room
They don't seem to mind
As they crush each other in the gloom
I wonder if they're blind
A child begins to wail
His father gives him a sweet
He throws it into the aisle
where it's crushed under many feet
Someone goes to the loo
The toilet's sprung a leak
Now there's urine too
in the place where we walk
I thank my fortune
My berth is an upper
but I've spoken too soon
Someone's kicked away my slipper
I'm stuck for good
I can't come down
The water below has bits of food
It looks muddy brown
As I huddle on my berth
people without tickets come and sit
If there's a hell on earth
this damned place is it
9 comments:
Very true....had a personal experience with you of the same !!
Not so grim always , though .
excellent...sums up my feelings when I think of a typical train journey. I still get nightmares of my last trip when the person opposite me refused to stop smoking and a little but very energetic child kept wailing non-stop for 24 hours or so.
It seems people appreciate posts just because they have been posted. I fail to see why you call it a 'piece of verse' and not a 'piece of rhyming dogshit'.
I see no need to defend myself. As I see it, I have complete rights to post whatever I feel like, and call it whatever I want. If you don't like it, please heed the less politer version of the words "get lost" and stop reading. It's still a free world out here, regardless of what people like you say.
But I woulk like to point out a subtle spelling mistake you made.
It is "berth", not "birth".
On the whole, a very nice verse.
Nice doggerel! In the third line of the second stanza, it should be "feel" and not "fail"-- it's not an examination. Minor errors like these exacerbate your "banality" (as in composition of verses)-- which is reflected pretty keenly in your doggerel!
Oops! I guess I made a minor error. I think it should be feel. Anyways, I still feel yours is a "doggerel".
There! - I changed the post. Now the text calls it doggerel instead of verse. I hope all the anonymous commenters are happy now.
I don't see why you are looking for literary value in the piece anyway. I do not claim there is any.
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